MY THOUGHTS ABOUT SOMEONE I AM YET AND HAPPY TO MEET IN THE FUTURE.

This may seem a little unusual but I decided to write about YOU after shedding happy tears while watching wedding proposals and videos few days ago. I didn't know what’s gotten into me and I started pounding the keyboard through the search bar on YouTube. It’s just so amazing how their hearts found each other’s match made in heaven. And honestly, I was a little envious in a good way because the hopeful romantic in me believes that somewhere out there, I will also meet mine, the one and definitely the first and last commitment that I will spend the rest of my whole life with. No matter how the latter statement seems impossible these days, I will try to make sure it’s going to end that way.

But you know, before all these thoughts come into mind, I already had my fair share of frustrations, rejections and agony because of choosing, liking and loving the wrong man. Those stupid times of “I-want-to-rush-falling-in-love” kind of situation because my friends (most of them) are in a relationship and I don’t want to be teased endlessly for being single at the moment. Those stupid times again of “I-am-affected-when-other-people-comments-about-my-life” just because I don’t have someone else and that I might not be able to relate when it comes to that certain topic. You know what, I WAS ALL WRONG. All those “ended-up-hurting-drama” were just temporary feelings. Time will really come especially when maturity sinks in. And here I am and now able to say “what-do-they-care” about how I picture my own love story. And I think I am in that phase now of being a grown woman wherein whatever people thinks about me don’t matter anymore as I re-quote I don't feel any pressure right now.

And right now, all I want to do is to wait patiently for the right one to find me. I am praying to God that he gives me someone I deserve because definitely, I don’t want to settle for anything less. Other people say I've set high standards and nobody will meet it, that I am picky and I have never let somebody in. Well, I have the right and I believe I should be because I am too precious for second best.

But seriously, I am thinking that maybe I've already met you, that we already encountered each other but the time hasn't given you yet the might to pursue me, or maybe not. Maybe, we didn't cross paths yet. I don’t know. Whatever… If you happen to be THE ONE, prove to me that what most people think about love, that it should be a trial and error thing is wrong.

So... I am keeping the faith that one day I’ll have my time and a happy story to tell because you are in it. I want you to know how excited I am and so looking forward to that day of you having the courage to tell me and the world, I AM THAT SOMEONE YOU ARE WAITING TO FILL IN THE REAL MEANING OF YOUR FOREVER.

24 THINGS I’D LIKE "ERIN MAE" TO KNOW

1. Who would have thought that in the smallest period of time of our childhood would be the start of everything? Though, I can’t clearly remember how we were introduced to each other. I’m not also sure if we had such playtime together with other kids then. What a pretty messed up memory! Enlighten me, please! Hahaha. And then, the next thing I know, mag-tiyahin na pala tayo?!?!? I mean ako yung tiyahin at ikaw yung pamangkin. Pambihira! Indeed, the irony of a family tree. Hehe. Nonetheless, I am very glad that there’s a part of my childhood which involves you how little may it seem.
2. Hunyo Dosmildos. Who would have thought again that our paths will cross again? Ok, dalawang beses ko nabanggit ang again. Haha. After so many years, naging classmates na tayo. Akalain mo nga naman ang tadhana’y sadyang tadhana pa din e noh?! Hehe. Batid kong alam mo na yung first impression ko sayo kasi nasabi ko na. Pero, just in case nakalimutan mo, babanggitin ko ulit na… I was intimidated by your presence, your character and your friendly/ma-chika attitude towards our other classmates. You were such a “CATCH!” Matalino ka ha, pero akala ko lang talaga sobrang talino mo kaya natakot ako. (Insert your reaction that moment I mentioned this) Hahaha. Na-deceived mo talaga ako dun haaaaa! Haha. So bottomline… higschool rekindled and reconnected our naudlot na samahan. Thank God there’s SMC! Yey! Hehe.
3. We had different set of friends. You know, you have your “LOUD AND SOSYALING FURRRIENDS” while mine are the “SIMPLE AND TACITURN KIND OF FURRRIENDS.” Ganun! Haha. But you know, we did try to blend in. Until, we became seatmates. So, I got to know a lot more about you. Thank God there’s alphabetical order and seat plan. Hehe. Looking back, I knew that you already have a lot of friends and I honestly never thought and never considered the idea of being in that circle. But God really has a mighty way of making things possible and putting people in situations with great timing. And then we became FURRRIENDS!
4. And then there’s RADZKOH! Wait… Am I putting you so much through memory lane? Pang-apat pa lang ito, so, may bente pa. Haha. Paano nga ba nagsimula ulit ang label ng grupo natin? Hehe. Grabe lang. Isang malupit na barkadahan ang nabuo in spite of our dissimilarities with one another. #Hashtag #Alamonayan Hehehe. Nakakatuwa lang balikan ang mga away-bati-kulitan-hatid portion kapag uwian- merienda sa holiday moments. Sa lahat ng yun, I can say that, that was the highlight of a more established friendship between you and me.
5. I am certain about one thing… a lot of people admires your versatility. One fine singer, dancer and can play musical instruments isama mo na din ang pagiging majorette! Hehehe. Musically inclined ika nga nila. Eh, it runs in the blood nga naman kase. Neseye ne eng lehet… Nung nagsabog ng talent si Lord, aba eh sinalo mo lahat! Haha. IHAW NA! (I can read your mind. You probably respond… NO TITA JUNAH, HILAW PA!) Hahahaha.
6. Why did I call you a CATCH? (You may refer to number two) You are so good at making people comfortable around you. Your wit is incomparable. I always say na whenever I’m with you, wala ni isang dull moment. Your hirit, jokes and stories are very mabenta! Dapat gawin kang ambassadress sa pagkakalat ng good vibes at happiness eh!
7. One thing that you have which I really wish to have yet impossible and never happened was having siblings like yours. I envy the feeling. Yaman din lamang na ako’y unica hija, I entirely missed it. For that, I can say that God is so unfair! Hahaha. Charot! But, seriously speaking, (insert serious face on) being the bunso of your family, you are the provider of joy. I know how you extremely show and say your love to each member especially to your kuya’s and ate, that’s why I bet they are more than glad too to have such blessing and ading like you.
8. I’ll try to make this part as brief as I can. So help me God. Hehehe. Your LOVELIFE. Nhux! Rings a bell? How exciting lalo na kung iisa-isahin natin. Hahaha. Let me start with my know-it-all measurement about how you handle this. I can say it’s close to perfection. I know you. I knew you. But I'm not sure if I still know you today. Hehehe. Though there were times that you would keep things from me because you were afraid on how will I respond to it. Am I right or I am right? Hahaha. But why? Like, I don’t bite!? Maybe I was that opinionated way way back pero, hindi naman ako magmamagaling at magaala-love guru kase I, myself have KATANGAHAN moment when it comes to this. Wala pa man din, pero quotang-quota na ako sa katangahan. Hahaha. Truly, when you’re in that shoe, you wouldn’t mind others opinion as long as you know you are happy however complicated the situation you’re in. Inlove eh! That I understand now. I apologize for being so pakialamera before. I should’ve learned the art of shutting off myself from all of your lovelife’s moment including other members of radzkoh. Hehe. Nagsayang lang ako ng litanya. Wala namang nakinig sa inyo. Hahaha. Kung meron man, labas sa ilong ang ending. Hehe. But you know, I’ve done those things because I truly care about you. Siguro naman sa lahat ng nangyare noon, without me reminding things, eh you learned your lessons naman na di ba? And I really hope right now, you already found your one true love for the rest of your life.
9. I can clearly remember our one major quarrel/misunderstanding way back 2006 or 2007? I just want to apologize for my exaggerated reaction. Though you can’t blame me because I was really shocked. But my fault there was, I acted like I wasn’t a true friend, worst, I acted like I wasn’t your family. It was kinda hard to accept… I don’t wanna bring it up again but it’s all in the past. What matters is we patched up things and we can definitely laugh about it now, right? So… I’m just gonna share something I have read few weeks ago. It’s a part of a book. I can see a little relativity in there. It goes like this… “People I have discovered are layers and layers of secrets. You believe you know them, but their motives are always hidden from you, buried in their own hearts. You will never know them, but sometimes you decide to trust them.” I think I wasn't really able to say how sorry I was. Might as well grab this opportunity to say I am sorry I judged you that easily. I trusted you but I am sorry that my trust wasn't that firm before.  And I am sorry for everything I've said.
10. That quarrel definitely taught us a lot, don’t you think? Especially you. Kina-ampang mo! Hahaha. And I can’t remember how we fixed it. Ang naalala ko lang is sembreak ba nun yun? Or kung anumang bakasyon. I was in Ilocos and you went home too. Pumunta ka sa bahay and then we were able to make kwento about it. We reconciled like nothing happened. What we must do now is we must pinky promise that there’s no way that one time big time hits the core situation will happen again. Cross your heart. Cross it! Hehehe. (Just so you know, I take this seriously so I've crossed mine)
11. After all that’s been said and done and years had passed. There was that time when I felt like things changed between you and me. I knew you were hiding some things. I was trying to make a conversation about it but then you were diverting it to another topic like you weren’t ready to talk about it. May reliable source ako, wag kang ano dyan! Hahaha. And yes, we communicate once in a while but then again, it did not suffice the consistency of what we had before. I became distant to you. I took a turn and befriended other people and temporarily forgot about you. I realized we’re drifting apart. Syet! Lakas maka-jowa. Hahaha. You know, it takes getting used to it. And I did. Honestly, it was a sad phase. I can almost imagine a fading friendship. I don’t know if you noticed it. Hehehe.
12. When that drifting apart happened, I felt like you need to grow up not only as someone that I know. I intend not to make pakialam in whatever you’re into. I didn’t know your whereabouts not until something came up. That moment you confessed about you getting preggy. I honestly cried. I don’t know if I was able to tell you that. Hindi ako magpapakaipokrita at sasabihin ko na natuwa ako agad nung nalaman ko yun. Initial reaction was… “Why? Bakit hindi siya nag-ingat? Sayang… Kasi I know there’s a lot in store for your future if that did not happen unexpectedly. But then, there goes… Nangyari na eh. Na wala dapat panghinayangan. Maybe God has another purpose.” And I was just proud that you were able to decide for yourself amidst that kind of situation. Kase alam naman natin kung ano ginagawa ng iba pag mga ganyang eksena at ganap sa buhay nila. Wala ako nung mga panahong yun but, I was grateful enough that you entrusted me about that.
13. And then there’s RYZZO/BILOG/FRANCE RUTHER! Adorable… May mai-rhyme lang. Hehehe. You know, it just felt right to be with you last February. I couldn’t be any happier. Swear! It was the best and one of the highlights of my life this year. Along with that experience, I was able to witness your maternal capability. Nhux! Nanay na nanay ah! Hahaha. Though I only spent days with you and bilog, I can say that you are a cozy kind of mother. Hehehe. And you’re doing just great!
14. Ang dami ko na nasabi noh? May sampu pa. Recess ka muna kaya. Hehehe. Kase this time medyo seryoso ang parteng ito. Ito yung usapang married life. Ayokong ipaalala kase alam kong ang dami mong frustrations noon. Pero hindi ko naman na babanggitin pa. Hehehe. I don’t know if I’ll create a point in here kase I still don’t know that kind of excitement and readiness of feeling to settle down. I just can’t picture it yet. Hahaha. When the time comes, the time comes nalang. Haha. But this isn't about me. This is about you of course. Having bilog right now, you and Kim will definitely tie the knot in God’s perfect time. Nase-sense at naba-vibes ko talaga siya. Hehehe. I may have misjudged Kim based on your kwentos before, but that time that I was able to witness your day to day routine with him virtually, I saw his effort. It’s a hard situation for the both of you. But I know he’s doing his best. He may have irregularities before, I’m sure he’ll make it up to you and bilog forever. Lastly, I know you’ll make a good wife. Looking forward to being part of that grandest day of your life.
15. As any other individual, we all have sort of downfalls. At first, it’s difficult to deal with but later on it becomes manageable right? I know, you still have lots of aspirations to fulfill but for the time being, you can’t just make anything your priority over your family. I know you still have things you wanna do for yourself. May I cite one particular case which is you being a registered nurse. You may have failed the first time you took up the exam, but that doesn't mean you won’t give it another shot. As the saying goes, try and try until you succeed. Hehehe. Ang klasik lang. Always remember that... Hindi nasusukat ang kakayahan ng isang tao sa kung ilang pagkakamali ang nakamit nito. Basta, I believe in you. Okayyy?
16. Sa ngayon, siguro yung contentment sa pagiging ina mo ang masasabi mong walang katulad na career. Incomparable ika nga nila. Kung mapapansin mo, nagtatagalog na ako. Nauubusan na kasi ako ng bala. Hahahaha. Iba man yung career na inambisyon mo nung una pero, tignan mo naman kung anong meron ka ngayon di ba? Lifetime career yan na maipagmamalaki mo lalo na’t pinapalaki mo naman ng maayos si bilog. Hindi man literally career yan na may makukuha kang pinansyal na resulta pero ibang tagumpay ang naidudulot niyan sa pakiramdam mo for sure. For that, elibs ako sayo potpot!
17. Quoting some lines again… that… “One day you will look back and see how all the pieces fit together. And how your life has been a complete utter success.” I’ll make this one as brief as having faith in God. Nasa plot palang daw kase siya ng paggawa ng successful life mo. Wag atat. Be patient. Pero siyempre for you to be able to earn that, do your part din. Werk it twerk it with God. Hehe.
18. I can say you’re the first sister I never had. Ibig sabihin meron pa akong mga iba pero ikaw nauna. Hehehe. Kung magkakaroon ako ng ikalawang buhay sa ibang mundo (Wow! May ganun?) ikaw yung gusto kong maging kapatid. Pero mas matanda ka ha? Hehe. Alamonaman at proven na paborito talaga ang mga bunso. Haha. Hindi pa man nangyayari, eto't nakiki-sibling rivalry na ako. Hahaha.
19. Sabi mo nga sa sayoteng pinadala mo nung bertdey ko eh, na solid tayo at best/true friend mo ako. What made you think so? I don’t think so. Hehe. Kidding aside, you make a good example of a true friend. I’ll make sure to always count you in as one. But frankly speaking not as a bestfriend. Hahaha. Medyo malabo noh? Malaki kasing issue sakin yan kase ang daming nagke-claim na you are their bestfriend. Dami nila noh? Hehe. I cannot easily give that one kase nga I had one before but unfortunately din’t work out. Kaya mas gugustuhin ko nalang i-bestfriend ang sarili ko ngayon. Hahaha. Tanong lang, di ka naman nahihirapan i-determine kung sino talaga sa kanila ang best? Haha. Kaya hirap makipagkompitesya sa mga bestfriends mo eh. Gugustuhin ko nalang yung true friend. Hindi man best, pero true. Hindi naman pwedeng maging best pag hindi true di ba? Oh, PAK!
20. Ano pa ba pwede? Aside from I can be a sister and a true friend, I can literally be your tiyahin. Hahaha. I can act like I can unlimited sermon you whenever may mga gagawin kang kaeklavarvahan. Medyo impulsive ka kase kung minsan. Hahaha. Kung kailangan mo ng malufet na guidance ng isang butihing tiyahin, andito lang ako. Hahaha.
21. Eto, malamang hindi mo kailanman gugustuhin mangyari, Haha. I can be your worst enemy. Kaya mas mabuting wag nalang tayong sangdikit. Hahaha. Joke lang… That won’t happen naman siguro ano? Pero just so you know… Winawarningan na kita. Masindak ka! Hahaha. Kung may worst pa sa salitang worst. Hehe. But I can always forgive you that’s for sure. Ikaw pa ba? Hehe.
22. I MISS YOU POTPOT. It’s been six months. I can’t wait to bond with you again.
23. I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU. As long as I can, no matter what instance that is. Paki-permanently tatak that in mind ha?
24. And to sum it all up, (ang dami ko pang chechebureche pero ito lang talaga ang gusto ko sabihin. Hahaha)... HAPPY BIRTHDAY POT!!! Today marks your 24th year on earth. Glad to have wasted most of those years with you. Hehehe. Thank you for being the sweetest as always. Thank you for believing in me so much especially those times that I doubted myself. Thank you for squeezing time whenever I need a hand. And thank you for the things I can't remember to mention here. Alamonayown! Haha. Godbless you more. May all your wishes come true. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!

A-not-so Feature Article?

A month ago, a dear friend asked me a favor if I could spare some time helping her out with her school project. Given so little time to do it, I was afraid I might not be able to finish on time so I refused to accept it. But, good Lord, the deadline was extended to few more days! Haha. I don't know if I made a crystal clear piece. I just thought it's worth seeing and....... sharing? Haha. So here...You might want to read! ;)

                

                An American writer named James Arthur Baldwin once quoted, “Children have never been good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” It is quite a contradicting statement that triggers your brain cells and you start to contemplate what does that mean. You begin to figure out sort of things and try to put yourself in the picture and there, it rings a bell! It’s definitely quite a fact and I am certain that most children could attest to it with their own stories. And as a part of the growing population of children in the whole world, based on my experience and observations, I listed few potential factors or reasons to consider why do this happen.

                First possible factor is the big difference of children’s auditory capability and their visual capacity towards something. Whether it is good or bad, what they hear sometimes doesn’t directly affect their way of thinking and behavior not unless they have an actual visual sense in it and out of curiosity they decide to try it. For example, a parent tries to preach his or her child not to smoke because it is a bad deed. But there is an instance that the child saw the parent puffing a cigarette stick. The child then began to have a subconscious mind. This is where the process of thinking of not doing it but afterwards automatically deciding to do the act occurs.

                Another one good reason to consider is that children of yesteryears and of today are far different from each other. I believe so that children way back are more attentive on what their elders say. They are more disciplined. They obey easily. They are more respectful. They always listen to what their elders say. It is like one word is enough for the children to know that something might harm or benefit them. Compared to most of the children today, they intentionally neglect their elders’ order. They break the rules. They don’t mind what consequences will occur with their decisions and actions. They argue with their elders to prove their point even if it is wrong. To top it all, they do what they want to do and there’s nothing that can stop them from doing it.

                Peer pressure could also be one of the factors especially when in school. You get surrounded by different individuals with different personalities. These individuals are categorized with two groups. First group consist of the good schoolmates that will encourage you to be part of their nerdy way of school living. You got to be influenced on being a time table person. You go to school on time, you study hard, you kind of become the teacher’s pet, you have the potential to be a good leader and you go home on time. Meaning, you’re definitely a good epitome to other students. But sometimes, you can’t get away with the more influential group that will definitely change your views towards a particular matter, change your attitude, behavior and values. You were convinced to join their group because you think you become cooler, you think you can establish a stronger reputation and you can earn more respect from the lowerclassmen. From being a non-conformist you become a conformist.

                Lastly, I think the power of mass media has it all. Every day, children are exposed to different types of medium of communication. We have the television, radio, films, newspapers, magazines, billboards, print advertisements, commercials, gadgets and especially now that we have the internet. As much as parents would want to teach and guide their children on what is factual or fictional and harmful or beneficial, these forms of media has really a big percentage on influencing their children. Elders telling children the right time to do something won’t stop them from doing it because of these. There are a lot of innovations of technologies right now and the birth of social media is already rampant and addictive. Therefore, children also increase their knowledge from social atmosphere. That is why it is really hard now to tell children what they ought to do and what not to do. They are wiser now and depriving them is not at all a good idea especially when they see their elders utilizing any of these forms of communication.

                Children are born with their own free will. The free will to choose and decide things for them even though they have to go beyond their limit and out of their control. The free will to listen and obey. The free will not to listen and disobey. The free will whether to imitate or not to imitate good or bad things. And the free will to fail and later on learn their lessons.

               

BELATED HAPPY GRANNY’S DAY!

Seriously, I was about to post this early morning yesterday or before September 11 ends. But while I was writing it, I can’t help but feel so depress. I wanted to finish it kaso later on I feel the other way around na naman. I can’t fully express what I wanted to share. Quite affected… And then, one question suddenly popped out from my head and it goes like this “what makes this day an I-cannot-relate-celebration?” It’s kinda sad. Hindi, extremely sad pala. Kasi I have no one to greet this line while giving them a tight hug man lang sana and a luscious kiss on both cheeks. It’s heartbreaking to say that my grandparents of both family sides are happily living with our creator now. That’s why I really envy those who still have their lolos and lolas alive and still kicking like they were also born in our era.

Actually, I didn’t get the chance to have known my grandfathers of both sides, my grandmothers only. So, I really don’t know the feeling of being a spoiled lolo’s apo. Again, I envy those who got their chances to spend bonding time with their lolos.

I was a bit teary eyed while writing this coz’ I miss my lolas badly. Sayang, wala akong pictures nila. Lahat kasi nasa Ilocos, compiled pa nga yun e. I usually browse the photo albums everytime na uuwi ako dun. Nostalgic moment indeed! Gayunpaman, I’ll just share a little of everything about them and about some of my cherished memories with them.

I’ll start with my lola from my mother’s side named Luisa Marzan Tupasi. My Mama and her siblings and so as we grandchildren call her “Nanang”. I din’t really had that ample time to establish a deep attachment with her because I was only a kiddo then, elementary days. And I could remember we only go there occasionally. I forgot to mention, from Tayum Abra yung family ng Mama ko. So kapag mga birthdays, feasts and other unexpected events lang kami nakakapunta dun. Until, my Mama wanted me to spend a part of my summer vacation there. Tamad kase ako noon sa bahay. Hahaha. Pinadeport ako para matuto daw ako ng household chores. Haha. Shocks! Wala akong maalala na certain situation na talagang nag-usap kami. She’s not the type of a chatty lola kasi e. Medyo taciturn type siya. But I often see her smiling towards me and maasikaso naman siya pag andun ako. E kasi nga bata pa ako, puro laro lang nun. Kumbaga dedma lang. Ang alam ko lang, mahilig siyang manigarilyo noon ng tabako. Everytime nga na dadating or aalis na ako, I was used to kiss most of the people close to my heart. E amoy tabako di ba? It’s a bit awkward because of the strong stink of the cigarette, but then, nasanay na din ako. And when she passed away, I was a 5^th grader then. I felt so poignant that I did not invest a quality time with her when she’s still alive. What’s more difficult to accept was, she died because of a supernatural cause. Some of this generation might not believe but those things really exist. During that time, kase sinabi nila sakin nun kung sino yung lumabas na may gawa nun sa kaniya. Nagmarka sa isipan ko yun e. Kaya everytime na umuuwi ako dun, pag nakikita ko yung tao, it’s like I wanted to just grab her, punch her until she reaches her last breath and last words. Pero kase, matanda na din siya eh. And you know what? Buhay pa din siya hanggang ngayon! Masamang damo talaga mahirap mamatay. Until time passed by, parang tinanggap ko nalang na, siguro that was God’s given span of time and plan for my Nanang. Kaya everytime na nakakauwi ako ng province, I see to it na makadalaw sa Tayum for a couple of days lang. One hour travel lang naman kase from our house. Kaya keri lang.

So, eto na.Yung isa kong lola from my father’s side naman. Her name is Victoria Cabanting Doles. I call her Lola Toyang. Eto, marami talaga akong memories with her because we lived in the same house together with one of my uncles. She’s the opposite of my Nanang. She’s very talkative. As in, super! Di ako nakakatagal. And everybody who knows her can attest to that. Hahaha. Lalo na pag nakainom yun! Nakow! Dati nga, lagi ako nun inuutusan bumili ng isang bote ng red horse sa store namin. Kung si Nanang amoy sigarilyo, amoy alak naman siya. Hahaha. Yung isang bote ng red horse hinahati hati niya yun. Siguro sa loob ng tatlong gabi saka niya yun nauubos. Minsan nga pag umiinom din yung uncle ko, patago yun, nakikitikim din sa gin na nakalagay sa lamesa. Hahaha. Another one, during weekends or natataon na walang klase, what I usually do, I manipulate the button of the radio in our sala where in I set and tune it in a blurry station so that I could watch the television programs. And when she asks me to fix it, I was acting like I can’t find the station where she regularly listens to and then she’ll apparently get mad maybe because she knows that I intend not to help her fix it. Hahaha. Then I would say “Lola, luktak jay tv’n ah, agbuya ta laengen”. And when she herself can’t fix it na, she would have to agree with me and she’ll ended up saying “La lukatam ta tv garuden”. Success! J Tapos isa pang namimiss ko talaga, every Sunday kase she makes it a point na aattend siya ng mass, kahit na nasa 90’s na siya, still strong, no illness, she’s not even a hunchback ha. After the mass, she would go to the market pa to buy stuffs. And ang lagi niyang inuuwi sakin was either popcorn or yung tinatawag naming “bagis bagis” in Ilocano. Parang intestines siya ng baboy na ginawang finger food. Basta yun na yun. Haha. Tapos, may instances kase na parehas ang ulam na niluto nila ni Mama, like adobo. Alam niya kaseng favorite ko yun eh kaya magseseparate pa siya ng ulam ko. Kaya lang minsan sinasabi nalang ni Papa “Alaem datan, isu met lang sida mi”, tapos wala na siyang choice, kukunin nalang niya. Tapos ang ginagawa ko nalang para hindi naman siya madisappoint, after ko kumain, pupunta ako dun sa kusina, habang kumakain siya dun, sasabayan ko siya ulit. Sisimutin ko nalang yung inihanda niya para sakin. J Pero eto panalo, kase dati, mahilig ako makipaglaro eh, inaabot na kami ng magtatakipsilim nun. Habulan, patintero at “Paway” whereby we use our slippers when playing it. She’ll go out from the house, will try to stop us from playing. Kapag hindi pa rin kami tumigil, sisigaw na yun, tapos papasok ulit ng bahay, paglabas niya ulit, may dala-dala na siyang tabo na may laman na tubig. As in! Sinasabuyan talaga kami. Hahaha. Ang dami kaseng beliefs eh. Kaya yun. Pero above all, ang pinakamiss ko sa lahat, whenever my Papa’s scolding me, tapos bigla nalang ako pupunta sa sala, andun siya, icocomfort nalang niya ako bigla. Lalo na pag pinapalo ako nun, magbubutt in talaga siya para sabihing wag na akong paluin… My God… I’m like crying now… L

Then, first year college na kase ako nun when she passed away. It was an accident. That was dawn, she got slipped out at the kitchen. And what’s more painful, I wasn’t there man lang. Yung feeling na, sobrang nanglalata ka kase alam ko sa sarili ko na sobrang kulang yung time na pinagsamahan namin. Kahit na sinasabi pa nila Papa na, we shouldn't feel sad kase wala na siya, instead we should be grateful enough na sobrang haba ng bonus na years ng buhay niya. Kase yung iba nga hindi na umaabot sa ganung age bracket e. Pero, sayang lang talaga. Buhay pa sana siya ngayon eh. Baka abutin pa niya yung 100 years niya.

Yun lang naman... It saddens me lang talaga pag naaalala ko na, di man lang nila ako nakita grumaduate. Di man lang nila nawitness yung every changes na nangyari not only sa akin, sa aming lahat. Yung pagovercome ng mga obstacles na dumating, yung failures na di naman talaga maiiwasan. Sobrang laki lang talaga ng impact ng pagkawala ng pesence nila sa buhay ko. And I know naman na most of you can relate on what I felt and what I'm feeling right now...

And to end this post, let me just share two pictures I took when I went to Trinoma. Impulsively decided to watch a movie that day. At ang dami ko nakasabay na senior citizens na manood sa sinehan nun. Parang natuwa lang ako kase talagang sinusulit nila yung privilege na nakukuha nila from being a senior citizen. Nagwiwishful thinking na nga lang ako that time na sana umabot man lang ako sa ganung edad para makalibre din ako sa sinehan. Kewl! :)

So, I wanted to greet all granny's in the whole world a HAPPY GRANDPARENTS DAY!!! Alam ko one day late na, pero bakit ba? Pwede namang gawing everyday yun a! For as long as may mga lolo at lola pa kayo, tell them and make them feel how great grandchildren you are for having them as your grandparents... Given na yung minsan naiinis kayo sa kanila, pagbigyan niyo na tumatanda na e. Mareareach din natin yang edad na yan (SANA) and marerealize natin na ganito pala! So, CELEBRATE EVERYDAY! REPRESENT! :)

FLOWING RANDOM THOUGHTS...

Am i being mean if a friend asked me, "Do you still love me?" The mere fact that it was an easy question, yet I didn't actually gave the answer. I just asked "What kind of question is that?" A follow up question, "Do you love her more than me now?" At the back of my mind, I could absolutely give her an honest answer with YES. But, i refused to because I know how it feels. You know, things changed. Far different from how we talk before. It's like there's a big barrier between us. Attachment leading to detachment. Quite hard to be true but, I'm kind of dealing with it now...

The two of them are different. They both have their own unique personalities. They are both close to my heart. They have their own way on how to make me feel "Hey I'm your friend!" But, if I am going to weigh things now, I can say that I'm now closer with the new found friend. I really don't know what happened. Maybe there are just things which remain unexplainable. Let it just remain as it is.

I just realized one thing, that TIME FRAME when it comes to friendship doesn't really have to do with "I should be closer with you coz' we've been friends for such a long time and vice versa." It just sucks. And I know it's unfair. But, the moment you feel like things aren't the same as the way they used to be, I think it means something...

I don't know if it is just me, or do I have a social problem... I don't know if I should feel sorry for making her feel like sometimes I don't care. I'm kinda figuring out the reason why ended up feeling like this. And I found out that CONSTANT COMMUNICATION really matters when it comes to friendship. The OPENNESS, the NATURAL FLOW OF CONVERSATION. Some may say, there are those friendship which succeeded even when they talk once in a blue moon. Well, we have different concepts of friendship and I respect what others think about it. Before, I can tell all things like "I don't need to hide anything from you coz' we're so close friends." But now, it's like there's something which stops me on sharing things. It's sad, but it's really happening now. I tried bringing back the connection but I can't hardly feel it now.

I thought of not telling her what I really feel right now coz I know she can feel it. She noticed it already. I just don't think it would be a better idea to admit to her frankly coz I know it will just caused too much pain. Afterall, she's still my friend. And that I still care. It's just that, we just have to deal with the concept of THE ONLY CONSTANT THING IN THE WORLD IS CHANGE...

A Priceless Moment to Remember [August 5, 2011… Rakenrol Jamming with Yeng Constantino ]

Oooops! Wait! Let’s have a quick recap… [Imagine the rewind soundJ]

Three weeks ago, July 13, 2011, Tuesday, 4 days before my birthday [yes, it’s still fresh in my mind, how could I forget thatJ], my bestfriend and I went to MU Live. I promised myself that I need to see Yeng Constantino in person, grab the chance to take a picture with her and if given a little little chance, to atleast have a word with her. That would be the best and perfect birthday treat ever. It was all well planned. I was highly excited that night and I couldn’t explain the feeling. So, we got there just in time. Hours passed. Until I heard murmurs and conversations from the side that Yeng won’t make it that night because she needs to rest her voice and Juris will have to take her place. Long pause… Long pause… Long pause… It’s like everything’s in a stop motion except me and I want to just oppose with a doubtful face and say “Come again? I think you’re talking non-sense and you’re definitely giving us the wrong info.” Then several minutes had passed again and I wasn’t able to absorb the info yet. “Did I just hear it right?” I asked myself again and again and again. Right there and then, I can clearly hear my bestfriend’s voice and “OH MY GOD! IT’S FOR REAL. NO YENG FOR TONIGHT! ” That was really sad. L

Fast forward… [Imagine the forward soundJ]

Yeng’s concert is fast approaching and I’m really decided to be there and watch it because the MU Live experience was really unfortunate one. Again, it was all well planned! That time, I’ll be with the company of a close friend/niece. But then, still conflicts occurred. We tried to find ways and we ended up with the same opinion which is “I WON’T BE ON YENG’S CONCERT!” It directly came from my mouth and I couldn’t believe I’m saying it! Coz’ I consider things like “Will I enjoy the show by myself?” So, that’s a double epic fail.

A week before the concert… I’ve watched several tv promotions, tuned in to several radio tours, read some articles online and other sources about the upcoming concert. I couldn’t stop thinking and feeling disappointed, frustrated and upset everytime I hear Yeng saying “it would be a great show” and remind everyone to grab a ticket now. That time I was already thinking twice. It’s like I can’t really imagine that I’ll be missing that great night! Until, I dropped by at Yengsters page. There were games posted where in everyone has the chance to win free tickets. Again, free tickets! If I’m not mistaken, I think that time, 4 free tickets were already given. Those Yengsters who weren’t fortunate enough to win the games were asking another game. But the admin said “As much as we want to give away free tickets, we don’t have too much.” Many felt bad and I’m one of them.

A day before the concert, someone posted a link in Yengsters page that there is another way to win free tickets. I immediately browse it. It’s true and they’ll be giving away 6 free tickets! I followed the instructions correctly and I even asked my cousin to do the same thing so that we’ll atleast have two chances to win. Good thing it won’t be based with the number of likes instead, winners will be picked randomly. And on the day of the concert, result will be posted at exactly 12 noon. I told myself I won’t expect but at the back of my mind, I really am expecting. Come what may.

Same day, dropped at Yengsters page again. One of the admins posted “One free ticket will be given away tonight. Just stand by and prepare for the game.” Just in time… Everybody’s waiting for the game!!! All were excited and aggressive/competitive enough to win the ticket. Again, I wasn’t expecting but at the back of my mind, I really am! Hahaha. Gooogle’s ready! And the question was posted. I was tensed! Seriously! After I google some items I wasn’t able to answer by myself, I was able to post my complete answer at the comment box. I was confident enough with my answers! Thanks to Google! J I browsed other answers of other Yengsters, I was glad enough; I was the only one who posted completely correct answers. And the admin posted “We already have a winner!” I was in jitter mode! I browsed again the wall post, the question and other answers posted only to find out, it was a triple epic fail! L My God! I wasn’t able to read the instructions clearly. Last note was about, “ATLEAST 8 CORRECT ANSWERS!” There were 10 items, I thought…. Whew! Never mind!!!!! Almost there!!! But what did I do? Gash!!!

Moving on… August 5, the day everyone’s waiting!!! I woke up early for no reasons. Am I excited? Should I be? Am I sad? Well, probably. Do I still have time to make a move? I bet it’s too late. It was a mixture of emotions. But the bottom line, I won’t be able to witness a grand epic night. I wasn’t feeling well, like I want to just blurt out and cry. Seriously… I was highly nervous while waiting for the result… I can hear myself hardly praying at 12noon, crossing my fingers so tight!

Drum rolling… with a fast heartbeat! I was really feeling cold!

As I stopped by to check the result, two winners were already posted, and I was like, here I am again… “Will it be a quadruple epic fail?” I was already speechless. I restarted my laptop right away… I was convincing myself, “Its okay. Don't feel bad. There’s still many next time…”

Two hours later, I opened my Facebook account. Shoot!!!!!!! One message! I opened it. Boooooooom!!!

I was really shocked!!! I was yelling and shouting! My hands were shaking! Well, I grabbed the opportunity! I texted the contact person and confirmed my attendance and other details. Several minutes ago, Sir Ryan San Juan (contact person from Wentot's Thoughts) texted me again if I wanted to bring anyone with me to the concert coz’ one winner backed out. So, they’re giving me one more ticket. I immediately replied yes. I was looking for a companion then. I texted my bestfriend but unfortunately, he wasn’t able to see my text message earlier. I also tried convincing my cousin but he was tired from work. I also texted other high school batchmates who’s near at my place so we could go together at the venue but no one confirmed. I also tried convincing two of my closest friends from college. One didn’t reply, and then the other one was already asking for details. But, unfortunately, she needs to accomplish her chores for that night. If only if I informed her earlier she said. That’s why I explained to her what happened. So, bottom line… I’ll be watching the concert all by myself. I informed Sir Ryan that I won’t have any companion and that I was sorry for that. One ticket wasted! Sigh!

At exactly six in the evening, I left the unit. I was very relaxed that I’ll be on time. I had two hours travel to Aliw Theater. One hour later and I reached Quiapo with terrible traffic. I left the jeepney, and it was already raining hard. Good thing I brought my sweater with me. I didn’t expect the change of weather coz’ the sun was brightly shining when I left home. Then I rode another jeepney to Vito Cruz. I was really wet! Traffic still… And I texted Sir Ryan and inform him my location. I was worried that I might be late. Panic mode! Good thing, I still have 20 minutes remaining when I reached Vito Cruz and I need to ride another vehicle to Aliw Theater. I was really in a hurry! And as expected I encountered many Yengsters who’s also on the way to the concert venue. Most of them were students. I got the chance to talk to one of them named Erwin, a second year college student who came all the way from Caloocan. We kept our company until we reached the venue. Then I met Sir Ryan with his wife. He handed me the ticket and asked me if he could take a picture of me holding the ticket.

I was really happy! Gosh! I can’t believe it! I was haggard but it doesn’t matter anymore, what’s important is I was really excited for the concert! J

As we enter the venue, I've encounter different individuals who definitely came for just one reason, to support Yeng Constantino.

Inside Aliw Theater... Everybody's waiting for Yeng to come out the stage. Some were shouting, some were bracing themselves while relaxing at their respective seats. Thanks to Chiro band and 3AM band for gracing us with their talents while waiting for the performer of the night.

Here we go..... Camera's set!

YENG'S Voice over: Shhhhhhhh... Aliw Theater....

MUSIC FADE UP! J

Here's the link of my own copy of the opening. click it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6XZyrD9SBoA

Goosebump opening!!! If you are going to watch the video, I was shouting ROCK YOU! Hahaha. That's what you call OPENING NUMBER! BLAST! I tried not to move so often so as to capture good video angle but I really can't helped it but join the crowd as Yeng sings We Will Rock You and Yugyugan Na. My eyes were really intact at the stage. I was amazed! It's like the feeling of being at the cloud nine. I wasn't dreaming! It's for real! I'm seeing Yeng performed infront of me, infront of her bunch of supporters...

Anyways, here are some photos I grabbed from Yengster's Admin Rinna Leong and Xymei Crisostomo. Maybe next concert, I'll be able to capture pictures of Ms. Yeng Constantino with my DSLR. As of now, can't afford! Haha. Wishful thinking. J

Photos arranged according to the sequence of the concert.

Opening

With Tutti Caringal

With Gloc9

With Raimund Marasigan

Time In Different Versions

With Maria Aragon

With Ivan Dorshner

Jeepney Live MV Re-enactment

With Sam Milby

With Mr. Gary Valenciano

4th Album and Bamal na Aso Santong Kabayo Live Performance

My own copy of the Finale

I was able to capture one before the battery got empty

What can I say aside from praise releases? Remarkable night indeed! Roller coaster of emotion. The effort was all worth it from the staff, guest performers and Yeng herself. The moment she said it'll be a 200% performance at her best, precisely her point! Yeng Constantino, you made all your supporters proud of you!

After the concert, you know the feeling of you don't want to leave the concert venue because you really can't believe what just happened! The show lasted for almost 3hours. It's as if you could wish it never last! Hahaha.

Outside Aliw Theater, still with the company of Erwin. We were sight seeing the Yengsters Admins. We wanted to approach other Yengsters but we were so shy. Until I saw a familiar face, Aliessa Gratil, we already had a conversation through facebook. At first I waved at her just to know if she recognized me, and she did. I approached her and had a little conversation. It's but natural to feel uneasy right? Haha. After I approach Aliessa, Erwin approached Ate Myeth Ramos, whom he always chat in facebook. She's one of the admins also. I was just listening at the side while they're talking. Maybe next time we see each other and other Yengsters, I already have that courage to approach each one of them. And be able to say, "HEY! I'M A MEMBER! I'M ALSO A YENGSTER!" J

I think this proves how fan I am. I never did this in my whole life! I swear! Just that night! So close!!! I could almost tap her back and shoulder that night when I waited for her to come out after the concert. I was really speechless. My God!!!

I grabbed this photo from Gina Sobrevega

Yeng was shouting I LOVE YOU YENGSTERS!!!

I was suppose to post this the following day after the concert but unexpected circumstances occured. Then the following days, I wasn't really feeling well. As much as I want to finish the blogpost, I really can't think of the proper words to say and type. Sorry for the delay. Hehe... I just hope I come up with a worthy material out of this. I am just one of those ordinary bloggers who wanted to contribute for the said concert.

So, the bottom line...

Ms. Yeng Constantino/Ate Yeng, thank you for inspiring me and a lot of youth all over the world. You are an epitome of beauty, intelligence, character and talent. I'll always be one of those bunch of Yengsters shouting I LOVE YOU YENG!!! J