Seriously, I was about to post this early morning yesterday or before September 11 ends. But while I was writing it, I can’t help but feel so depress. I wanted to finish it kaso later on I feel the other way around na naman. I can’t fully express what I wanted to share. Quite affected… And then, one question suddenly popped out from my head and it goes like this “what makes this day an I-cannot-relate-celebration?” It’s kinda sad. Hindi, extremely sad pala. Kasi I have no one to greet this line while giving them a tight hug man lang sana
Actually, I didn’t get the chance to have known my grandfathers of both sides, my grandmothers only. So, I really don’t know the feeling of being a spoiled lolo’s apo. Again, I envy those who got their chances to spend bonding time with their lolos.
I was a bit teary eyed while writing this coz’ I miss my lolas badly. Sayang, wala akong pictures nila. Lahat kasi nasa Ilocos, compiled pa nga yun e. I usually browse the photo albums everytime na uuwi ako dun. Nostalgic moment indeed! Gayunpaman, I’ll just share a little of everything about them and about some of my cherished memories with them.
I’ll start with my lola from my mother’s side named Luisa Marzan Tupasi. My Mama and her siblings and so as we grandchildren call her “Nanang”. I din’t really had that ample time to establish a deep attachment with her because I was only a kiddo then, elementary days. And I could remember we only go there occasionally. I forgot to mention, from Tayum Abra yung family ng Mama ko. So kapag mga birthdays, feasts and other unexpected events lang kami nakakapunta dun. Until, my Mama wanted me to spend a part of my summer vacation there. Tamad kase ako noon sa bahay. Hahaha. Pinadeport ako para matuto daw ako ng household chores. Haha. Shocks! Wala akong maalala na certain situation na talagang nag-usap kami. She’s not the type of a chatty lola kasi e. Medyo taciturn type siya. But I often see her smiling towards me and maasikaso naman siya pag andun ako. E kasi nga bata pa ako, puro laro lang nun. Kumbaga dedma lang. Ang alam ko lang, mahilig siyang manigarilyo noon ng tabako. Everytime nga na dadating or aalis na ako, I was used to kiss most of the people close to my heart. E amoy tabako di ba? It’s a bit awkward because of the strong stink of the cigarette, but then, nasanay na din ako. And when she passed away, I was a 5th grader then. I felt so poignant that I did not invest a quality time with her when she’s still alive. What’s more difficult to accept was, she died because of a supernatural cause. Some of this generation might not believe but those things really exist. During that time, kase sinabi nila sakin nun kung sino yung lumabas na may gawa nun sa kaniya. Nagmarka sa isipan ko yun e. Kaya everytime na umuuwi ako dun, pag nakikita ko yung tao, it’s like I wanted to just grab her, punch her until she reaches her last breath and last words. Pero kase, matanda na din siya eh. And you know what? Buhay pa din siya hanggang ngayon! Masamang damo talaga mahirap mamatay. Until time passed by, parang tinanggap ko nalang na, siguro that was God’s given span of time and plan for my Nanang. Kaya everytime na nakakauwi ako ng province, I see to it na makadalaw sa Tayum for a couple of days lang. One hour travel lang naman kase from our house. Kaya keri lang.
So, eto na.Yung isa kong lola from my father’s side naman. Her name is Victoria Cabanting Doles. I call her Lola Toyang. Eto, marami talaga akong memories with her because we lived in the same house together with one of my uncles. She’s the opposite of my Nanang. She’s very talkative. As in, super! Di ako nakakatagal. And everybody who knows her can attest to that. Hahaha. Lalo na pag nakainom yun! Nakow! Dati nga, lagi ako nun inuutusan bumili ng isang bote ng red horse sa store namin. Kung si Nanang amoy sigarilyo, amoy alak naman siya. Hahaha. Yung isang bote ng red horse hinahati hati niya yun. Siguro sa loob ng tatlong gabi saka niya yun nauubos. Minsan nga pag umiinom din yung uncle ko, patago yun, nakikitikim din sa gin na nakalagay sa lamesa. Hahaha. Another one, during weekends or natataon na walang klase, what I usually do, I manipulate the button of the radio in our sala where in I set and tune it in a blurry station so that I could watch the television programs. And when she asks me to fix it, I was acting like I can’t find the station where she regularly listens to and then she’ll apparently get mad maybe because she knows that I intend not to help her fix it. Hahaha. Then I would say “Lola, luktak jay tv’n ah, agbuya ta laengen”. And when she herself can’t fix it na, she would have to agree with me and she’ll ended up saying “La lukatam ta tv garuden”. Success! J Tapos isa pang namimiss ko talaga, every Sunday kase she makes it a point na aattend siya ng mass, kahit na nasa 90’s na siya, still strong, no illness, she’s not even a hunchback ha. After the mass, she would go to the market pa to buy stuffs. And ang lagi niyang inuuwi sakin was either popcorn or yung tinatawag naming “bagis bagis” in Ilocano. Parang intestines siya ng baboy na ginawang finger food. Basta yun na yun. Haha. Tapos, may instances kase na parehas ang ulam na niluto nila ni Mama, like adobo. Alam niya kaseng favorite ko yun eh kaya magseseparate pa siya ng ulam ko. Kaya lang minsan sinasabi nalang ni Papa “Alaem datan, isu met lang sida mi”, tapos wala na siyang choice, kukunin nalang niya. Tapos ang ginagawa ko nalang para hindi naman siya madisappoint, after ko kumain, pupunta ako dun sa kusina, habang kumakain siya dun, sasabayan ko siya ulit. Sisimutin ko nalang yung inihanda niya para sakin. J Pero eto panalo, kase dati, mahilig ako makipaglaro eh, inaabot na kami ng magtatakipsilim nun. Habulan, patintero at “Paway” whereby we use our slippers when playing it. She’ll go out from the house, will try to stop us from playing. Kapag hindi pa rin kami tumigil, sisigaw na yun, tapos papasok ulit ng bahay, paglabas niya ulit, may dala-dala na siyang tabo na may laman na tubig. As in! Sinasabuyan talaga kami. Hahaha. Ang dami kaseng beliefs eh. Kaya yun. Pero above all, ang pinakamiss ko sa lahat, whenever my Papa’s scolding me, tapos bigla nalang ako pupunta sa sala, andun siya, icocomfort nalang niya ako bigla. Lalo na pag pinapalo ako nun, magbubutt in talaga siya para sabihing wag na akong paluin… My God… I’m like crying now… L
Then, first year college na kase ako nun when she passed away. It was an accident. That was dawn, she got slipped out at the kitchen. And what’s more painful, I wasn’t there man lang. Yung feeling na, sobrang nanglalata ka kase alam ko sa sarili ko na sobrang kulang yung time na pinagsamahan namin. Kahit na sinasabi pa nila Papa na, we shouldn't feel sad kase wala na siya, instead we should be grateful enough na sobrang haba ng bonus na years ng buhay niya. Kase yung iba nga hindi na umaabot sa ganung age bracket e. Pero, sayang lang talaga. Buhay pa sana siya ngayon eh. Baka abutin pa niya yung 100 years niya.
Yun lang naman... It saddens me lang talaga pag naaalala ko na, di man lang nila ako nakita grumaduate. Di man lang nila nawitness yung every changes na nangyari not only sa akin, sa aming lahat. Yung pagovercome ng mga obstacles na dumating, yung failures na di naman talaga maiiwasan. Sobrang laki lang talaga ng impact ng pagkawala ng pesence nila sa buhay ko. And I know naman na most of you can relate on what I felt and what I'm feeling right now...
And to end this post, let me just share two pictures I took when I went to Trinoma. Impulsively decided to watch a movie that day. At ang dami ko nakasabay na senior citizens na manood sa sinehan nun. Parang natuwa lang ako kase talagang sinusulit nila yung privilege na nakukuha nila from being a senior citizen. Nagwiwishful thinking na nga lang ako that time na sana umabot man lang ako sa ganung edad para makalibre din ako sa sinehan. Kewl! :)
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